


I Need This

by bessmertny



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, tumblr prompt!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 14:01:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8059102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessmertny/pseuds/bessmertny
Summary: “Please, Elide. Please.”There is blood on Lorcan’s shirt, on his hands.And she knows that the vast majority of it is his.Elide presses her lips until they are a nearly visible thin line, reigning in the words of worry-worried, worried for him- that threaten to come out.





	

“Please, Elide. _Please_.”

There is blood on Lorcan’s shirt, on his hands.

And she knows that the vast majority of it is his.

Elide presses her lips until they are a nearly visible thin line, reigning in the words of worry-worried, worried for _him_ \- that threaten to come out.

 

How could she forgive him?

Even if she wants to.

Even if she knows he means it, even if the need to caress his face, to trace the lines around his eyes, to smooth his guilt and sorrow away is sometimes unbearable.

 

Elide closes her eyes, the image of Aelin during those terrible last moments flooding her mind.

She knows he did it to protect her, to fulfill the promise he made her, but at what price?

Even if her queen was finally with them again, recovering from what Maeve did to her…

 

“Why did you crawl to her?” she asks, venom dripping from her tongue. Lorcan’s eyes widen for a second, but it’s the only giveaway to his emotions before he tries to regain the neutral expression she was so used to see on him on those first days when they met, and it’s now always more rare.

 

It’s like watching a mighty kingdom crumble.

 

“I-” he begins, then stops, like he is unsure of what words to use and it hurts, it hurts Elide to watch him like this, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself now that he doesn’t have to follow orders after order, now that he’s _free_.

But Lorcan seems to be more in a cage now than when he was under Maeve’s claws.

He stills himself, squares his shoulder and says “I don’t know if I wanted to kiss her feet or slit her throat.”

 

Elide flinches, his eyes never leaving hers.

 

And she knows he is speaking the truth, Anneith swears by it.

 

“I never thanked you for helping me with my ankle. Thank you, Lorcan.”

He closes his eyes, breaths in, nods.

 

She wonders of all the types of kindness Lorcan isn’t used to.

They both aren’t used to.

 

She grazes her fingers on his hand and all his body tenses, like he thought he would never again feel her skin on his.

She thought so too, she was sure that she would never forgive him, never touch him again, never-and the words she used that damned day…she meant every single one of them.

 

Lorcan moves his hand to entwine their fingers together; the touch is tentative and slow and Elide-she doesn’t pull away.

 

“I can live without honor,” he whispers, his voice steady even if Elide knows every word must taste like poison “I can live without _her_. But your forgiveness, you, this-” he squeezes her hand, once, twice, “ _I need this._ ” As he speaks, he brings her hand to his mouth, kisses her palm.

 

It’s the first time he asks this with words; before now, it was always gestures, dramatic heroic acts to make her see just how sorry he was and she-

 

“I can forgive you, but I can’t forget what you’ve done. And you have to swear that you will never again put someone else’s life at risk just to save mine.”

“Elide, you can’t-”

“ _Swear it_.”

 

Every word coming out of his mouth is laced with regret as he says “I swear it.”

 

She takes a step toward him and stands on her feet and she can’t help but think of how her ankle doesn’t hurt her, how she’s getting used to the absence of that pain.

Even on her tiptoes she still can reach where she wants, so she grabs a fistful of his shirt and pulls him down to kiss the corner of his mouth.

 

She hears a faint sound like the frantic beat of a drum and it’s his heart.

 

“I’ll teach you hope and kindness if you teach me how to read and write.” she says.

 Lorcan huffs a laugh and his other hand goes to her hip, trembling.

 

“Deal.”

 


End file.
